As I may have alluded to previously, I've been cleaning out the attic room in my parents' house so that I can store all of my belongings in there, and get them out of the living room that they've been sitting in since April. In the process of moving things up there, I've gotten the chance to come across possessions that I've completely forgotten about since living back at home; ones that I couldn't live without on my own. There have also been pictures from the past, showing myself as a younger, more mischievous and dashing (if I do say so myself!) little schmoozer as well as toys, old papers from high school... all different snapshots of my life.
There is this popular notion that we only show one or two facets of ourselves to other people. There are certain ways we act around certain people, depending on our relationship with them or what the social etiquette of the situation dictates. Therefore, few people rarely see all of our different personalities. I've been having a sort of 'jolting' experience recently, going through things. I've been able to reminisce on the kind of person I grew up being, how I behaved and what I felt about certain things. There was a necessity that predicated the use of certain things in my apartment that is nonexistent now, and I've realized I had to be a different sort of person when I lived on my own. In fact, I've had to be a different person for myself in every aspect of my life. I've just never really thought about how those different people are all still me. Of course, I've changed over time, and there are certain things about myself that I choose to leave behind. After all, how would I grow then? Essentially, I've been having this great opportunity to look back on the different experiences and shades of my personality, glean what I can from the bad ones and discard them, move forward and consolidate, until all the best parts of myself are left. Those are the parts that God then takes and shapes.
And man, he's been doing a lot of shaping recently.
It's amazing what Christians can learn from people who don't believe in God, isn't it? In this book about Liberty University that I'm reading, the author (who's not Christian) spends a semester at Liberty learning about what really goes on, how people and the 'system' work in such an isolated environment. And you know what he does? He finds the merit in praying and starts doing it for at least half an hour a day! Mind you, he still doesn't really believe in the power that prayer works through our lives on a spiritual level, but he dedicates a half an hour every day to praying for any and everyone he can think of. How many Christians do that?! I certainly don't, and here I am getting schooled by someone who doesn't even believe in Jesus. God has been taking moments like these, taking the best parts of my life, and holding them up to me, as in a mirror. He's challenging me, urging me to take it a step further. My prayer life is one facet. My relationship with Peggy is another. My church life is a further one.
I can't express how difficult it has been to find a home church. First, I must stress that, for a number of years, I didn't go to church consistently at all. The growth in my faith happened chiefly between myself and God. It was another facet of my life that didn't really branch into any community, but now I've found a church that has that and, though it is not traditional, I am confident in this place. Here again, God has been holding up a mirror to me, saying 'This is how far you've come, and it's fantastic. Now, take it up a notch'. It was a struggle at first, and I let doubt creep in, reverting to my old ways and lacking self-confidence, worrying about the repercussions of my decision. It's been a mini-culmination of this experience that's come to light in me recently. I say 'mini', because it's still going on and always will be. But it's certainly been a culmination, and a culmination of blessings at that. My eyes have been opened to the blessings in my life more recently than ever before, and it is the realization of these blessings that have allowed me to start blending my joys together and allow the shaping of my soul to escalate. From the furtherence of my prayer life, to the absolutely inspiring blessing that is my girlfriend, to the assurance of community, I can see all of these combining and leading back to one person: God, the One it is all centered around. As it should be.What greater purpose can there be than to live life fully and completely, with ALL of who you are, for the One who created and redeemed you, to be a beacon for that grace and love to everyone you encounter?
On a somewhat different, but still connected, note, isn't fall amazing? Actually, I prefer 'autumn', as it's a much more poetic term. You can't deny that these days of autumn immediately bring back memories of years before. Somehow, we always remember the best things, like apple orchards, cider, changing leaves, the smell! and seek to relive them and share them with the people around us. Sounds suspiciously familiar... that old know-it-all up there! What a ridiculously funky and amazing God we have.
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